Checked Out: Cinderburg Part 20
Sylvia asked to meet again a few days after the “you’re a bad manager” bombshell meeting, but I was emotionally spent and told her I was unavailable. I needed a longer break if she was about to tell me more devastating feedback about my abilities or my team.
The next week, Sylvia was gone on vacation.
I tried to give Amy and Alicia space to dispel any micromanager vibe. I gave Barb space because I was honestly hurt and didn’t think we’d ever get back to the friendship we had.
That Friday, all staff received an unexpected email from Sylvia.
“I’m transferring to a new position at the Central branch! My last day at Cyprus is next Friday! Yay!”
Actually, it was much more professional and lengthy than that. But this was the gist.
Sylvia was leaving us just as there was so much turmoil between so many people.
Her only goal during her final week was to meet with everyone, especially department heads. She wanted to make sure we knew how things would proceed without a manager.
That’s when we put two and two together. We were losing our manager at the beginning of a new fiscal year with a budget cut sweeping through the entire metropolitan government and a hiring freeze still going strong. It would likely be many months before a new manager was hired.
This was a blow.
My meeting happened just before her last day and we finally got to the core of the feedback she “received” weeks before.
For thirty minutes we danced around the subject, pretending we were both concerned about other things. When we finally broached the subject of the feedback, I asked if she had any specifics she could share?
She hesitated and gave me a pained smile.
“I want you to take this with a grain of salt.”
Oh dear Lord, what was she about to say? This sounded ominous. I knew I wasn’t an awful person, and while that didn’t always translate into good management, I knew, in my heart of hearts, that I was in no way a micromanager. My own experiences with micromanagers had made me hate the practice. Had I become the very thing I hated?
Sylvia said, “When I asked them for further information about their perspectives regarding your management style, all they could really tell me was, ‘well… we’re not really Harry Potter fans.’”
Cue the eye twitch.
This was all about Harry FREAKING Potter?!
“I’m sorry… what?!”
Turns out Alicia and Amy were not particularly thrilled about my planned Harry Potter event at the end of the summer.
“They wish they had been more involved in the decision making process for summer programs. If they had been, they say this is not the program they would have offered if it had been up to them.”
My eye twitched some more.
“But, they were there! Plus, this is my program, not theirs!”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Our very first meeting as a team, way back in February, was all about summer reading events. We chose dates for our own programs. I told them to start thinking about the activities they’d lead. I told them then what activities I would be doing. This is just one of my programs! They were there, both of them, at that meeting, and were part of the discussion.”
Sylvia shook her head, once again the sympathizing manager.
Once I understood, I laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more. I couldn’t believe it. This was all about Harry Potter. A thing I loved so much was the root of all this nonsense.
“From what I can tell,” Sylvia concluded by saying, “You’re actually doing a great job leading your team. You don’t have any problems with micromanaging or delegating tasks. Keep doing what you’re doing, C.”
Aside from the amusement, I also felt so much relief. But only for the first day. Other emotions came later.
In an email to Mackenzie I sent later that day, because I’d been sending her a stream of emails and messages since everything with the interns had started, I was flippant and indignant. To her, I said the following:
“Number 1: Who cares if you’re HP fans. This program isn’t for you or your age group. It’s for kids. Number 2: You two don’t even read children’s literature. What do you know? Number 3: Neither of you have ever worked in libraries and have NO experience planning HUGE, FAMILY FRIENDLY, and I’ll just say it, AWESOME children’s programs. I do, so sit down and shut up. Number 4: Even if you did have the experience (and if you did, you would recognize that this program would be the PERFECT program to host, but whatever), you joined us RIGHT when we had to set the schedule for the summer, and neither of you were prepared to do that. I had to, it fell to me. That’s how it works sometimes. Number 5: The most important point, IT’S FREAKING HARRY POTTER. LOVE IT OR LEAVE ME ALONE.”
I also told her that while it might seem like I was angry with all the All Caps words, I was so genuinely amused by it all that I couldn’t stop laughing at it.
The relief I felt was enormous. I’d wandered around for weeks, thinking I was doing an awful job of managing my team. And I couldn’t figure out why they weren’t telling me what they’d been so ready to tell Sylvia. Especially Amy. The pair of us would often sit at the desk together, chatting about anything from her pregnancy to me thinking about online dating. I’d been beating myself up about it and picking apart every interaction I’d remembered having with them and stressing myself out. And it was all about Harry Potter?!
I found out from Amy weeks later, after I couldn’t keep the details of my argument with Barb a secret anymore, nor everything that Sylvia had said to me. Feeling incredibly vulnerable, I asked her about the “feedback” she’d given Sylvia and asked her if I could do anything differently so that she felt more comfortable coming to me directly.
“What are you talking about,” Amy said, “Sylvia came to me, asking me if I had any complaints about you.”
“She what?!” I asked.
Amy nodded, “After your argument with Barb, Sylvia pulled me aside and asked me how I thought of you as a manager. I told her you were great and I had no complaints. She kept asking me if there were any areas where you could improve. I kept telling her ‘no,’ but she kept asking, so I finally said I wished you’d give me more to do. But you really can’t because I’m-”
“Pregnant!” we said together.
“That’s what I told her!” I broke in, “I told her all of that.”
“Yeah, I never went to complain to Sylvia. She sought me out and asked me for complaints about you specifically.”
I was thrown. Sylvia had not depicted the situation like that at all. I’d already begun to think that Sylvia had handled everything wrong in the first place, what with assigning the interns to Barb, then seemingly providing no guidance or oversight as to how she should proceed. Now I knew with certainty she’d managed everything horribly. And when I had pointed out what wasn’t working, she’d responded by pointing the finger right back at me.
Talk about déjà vu.
I was grateful she’d accepted the promotion. At least I had one more manipulative manager out of my life. How did I keep finding jobs with these people? Were all library managers this scheming and Machiavellian? Was this a requirement of the job? Was this what I should expect from all future work environments? Who would have thought the librarian field would be so calculating and back-stabbing.
June had started out horribly. I’d had a devastating fight and lost a friend. I lost support at work. I was told I wasn’t doing my job well. But it ended on a high note. I may not have repaired the broken friendship (and unfortunately never would), but I learned I was doing a great job at work. I ended up celebrating my birthday with a whole group of friends where every invitee actually came (which was a first for me). I got a new and comfy couch and moved into a new home. And I finally entered the romance world with forays into online dating (an endeavor inspired by seeing my younger sister have a baby before I’d ever had a first date). I felt I was on an upswing and was ready for whatever came next.
Unfortunately, a year of chaos was ahead. We’ll see the beginning of that year next time.
Until then, I remain…
-C Quill
