Checked Out: Cinderburg Part 30
When Nesca finally joined the branch in December, Amy had been gone for a month and I’d been by myself in my department, all alone, for over 30 days. I was exhausted. I had been running every single program alone, as well as manning the children’s services desk alone, and running things like the branch’s Thanksgiving potluck and the upcoming gift swap, also alone. I was ready for another body to be in the building. I was ready for help.
Nesca arrived at an uncharacteristically slow time for us, which was ultimately good. She could ease into life at Cyprus.
She had a few months before I expected her to start programming, which would be about the time that Amy returned.
I worried about her ability to share the load, something I’d emphasized to Lacy and all the candidates during interviews. It was only after being forced to hire Nesca that Lacy told me she thought this expectation an unrealistic one. Which I profoundly disagreed with.
With Nesca, I was a little nervous about her programming abilities. But I wanted to give her a chance. I had her spend that first December observing my story times and filling in at the desk. I had her shadow and train at circulation, in the teen room, and also at the adult desk. With the holidays, December passed by quickly and quietly.
In January, urged her brainstorm program ideas she’d like to try.
At the end of the month, days before Amy was due to return, we sat down to hammer out details.
“What after-school programs are you thinking you’d like to do?”
I don’t know what I was hoping she’d say. Maybe an afternoon story time. Or a monthly game. I was not expecting what she actually said.
“I’m not very artsy or creative. So I think I should lead a program in something I know. I want to lead a knitting club.”
I’d tried to lead a knitting club for teens in Gatherden once. It had not gone well.
“A… knitting club?” I asked, hoping my question would prompt her to share any other ideas she had.
But she nodded firmly, “Yes, a knitting club.”
I asked if there were any other ideas she’d been considering. There were none. I told her that she didn’t have to lead an activity in something she already knew how to do. She could easily choose something new and research how to do it. Librarian, teacher, and homeschool mom blogs are a goldmine when it comes to program ideas.
The prospect of doing any online research, let alone leading a new activity, seemed to terrify her. I could see the fear leaching into her face.
“Okay,” I finally caved, “We’ll give it a shot for the spring. We’ll revisit and evaluate in May.”
Finally February arrived and Amy returned. I was ecstatic.
Over the last two months, while I’d noticed Nesca was nice enough, she didn’t show much initiative. There were certain children’s department responsibilities: walk the department periodically, tidy up the shelves, pick up trash, bring books to the back. Little things like that that made the department look cared for. For months I’d been the only person cleaning up LEGOs and checking books in and throwing away computer slips. It was physically tiring to do it by myself. I’d realized that even though Nesca was there, it still felt like I was alone.
I reminded her almost weekly to do these things, all of which I’d trained her in during her first week.
After the holidays ended, I spoke to her about it again.
“Okay,” she said, “I’ll make sure to do that.”
Except she didn’t.
When she was at the desk, she knitted. She would point people to their books. She never tidied. She did nothing to clean up like I’d shown her.
I was frustrated. I felt more alone than ever and it made Nesca seem inordinately lazy.
Amy, upon arrival, was troubled.
Amy’s adjustment was difficult. It always is for new mothers. She missed her son every day and talked about him a lot. And as she became accustomed to life as a working mom, we did what we could to accommodate.
She spent the first few weeks only working during the day. We scheduled her first weekend toward the end of her first month back. She even worked slightly shorter hours. And if she had to call out at the last minute or leave early, we did what we could to make that happen.
But with her return, the magical happened. I finally felt some relief.
Amy, however, had only known life at the library with Alicia, another proactive person. Amy hadn’t worked with Nesca yet.
She gave it a few weeks, and then she pulled me aside and said, “I may be reading too much into this, but does Nesca actually do anything here?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, carefully cautious.
“I mean, what is she doing other than sitting at the desk and sitting in the back? She hardly leads any programs. She doesn’t clean up the department. I only ever see her sitting and knitting. What does she do?” she asked, her annoyance clear.
Amy was a pretty easygoing person who rolled with the punches much better than I could. In fact, I hardly ever saw anything bother her.
But this did. And I found it comforting. I’d spent the last two months wondering if I was so inwardly critical of Nesca, thinking she was lazy, because she hadn’t been my first pick. Because I’d been forced to hire her instead of the person I wanted to hire. Because Lacy had wanted her so badly.
Hearing Amy have my same observations filled me with more relief. I was so glad she was back.
I said I had noticed the same issues and would speak with Nesca about it. I encouraged her to go directly to our manager.
But soon, more troubles with Nesca would pop up.
We’ll dive into those next time.
Until then, I remain…
-C Quill
